Luck has it, that generous people don’t know when to quit.  Harmonious gatherings cancel out news stories spilling impending drama.  To be so lucky to reclaim the lightness of heart that allows us to make silly notations written on windowpanes with gladful fingers.  Happily, joyfully etching geometric lines through translucent frosty crystals.  Winter is fast approaching, and our gardens have begun their slumber here.  Our bodies, wrapped in layers, beg to have a reprieve of sun’s warmth a few more days.  Lavish baking will soon begin.  Hearths spring to fire, as winter changes begin to take effect.  Woodsmoke carries on the wind.  We have watchful eyes for snowflakes first fall.  Holidays knock at our doors.  Hopefully laughter will prevail in all hearts.

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How do we not only survive the holidays, but retain the ability to remain carefree enough to enjoy the experience?  An increasing feeling of frenzy, hectic driving, frantic errands, commercials telling us we need things, pressure to spend money we shouldn’t… Not to mention, feeling like we have no choice but to be back in the midst of dysfunctional families.

Lifting our heads above the chaos, we need to take the highest vantage point and disconnect from the autopilot that has always taken us through the succession of holidays.  If we look at what is really going on, a good portion of the pressure comes from companies driving consumers from the end of summer/ beginning of fall, to start thinking about making their holidays bigger.  Television commercials gradually become louder and busier to build excitement and get our attention.  Almost as if a giant money sucking machine is trying to plant ideas that we are not complete without buying lots of new things.

If we give ourselves permission to pause and unplug for a few minutes, and ask ourselves what we truly want.  We can examine our expectations and carefully consider the type of experience we really want to have.  If we consciously choose the way we want to live through the holidays, prioritizing what we value most, then we align with the energy of our desired experiences.  By doing this, we give ourselves permission to detach from all else, including those experiences we do not want, and the Law of Attraction will bring us more of what we do want.  Dr. Wayne said in his blogpost, Relative Bliss, “If the focus of your inner dialogue about your family members is on what they’re doing that’s wrong, then that’s precisely how your relationship with them will be experienced. If your inner speech centers on what’s annoying about them, that’s what you’ll notice. But if you’re thinking, I am authentic and peaceful with this relative, then that’s what you’ll experience—even if that relative continues to be exactly the way he or she has always been.”

The key to surviving the holidays at a dysfunctional family gathering is to trust yourself.  When everyone is me, me, me, and not for eachother, boundaries get blurry.  Remembering that we are part of God, and God is within each and every one of us, then it becomes clear that we are so much more than our family circumstances.  We can allow those stories and scripts just fall away and experience things in a new mindful way.

Now comes the esoteric part… Spiritually, everyone in a family made contracts, or agreements, to fulfill their own mission, in order to learn by living through them.  However, everyone has free choice, and some members can go off-path, they don’t follow the group plan.  This can create havoc in a family on a level not everyone is aware of.  It is up to those, or the one, left in the light to scramble and make plan B, C and D.  That family member, the one in the light, now becomes a spiritual catalyst in the family.  By having a higher vibration, being awake and aware, others can see it as threatening.  Because they may already be emotionally laden with unhealed pain and wounding, we may be the tipping point that triggers a spiritual crisis.  Behaviors such as losing cool, acting impulsively, and bringing up long buried emotional conflicts may arise.  If we can recognize this, we can realize they are not seeing us as we really are and begin to set healthy boundaries.  We can feel more confident to project love and forgiveness.

A few suggestions for surviving a holiday gathering with a dysfunctional family:

• Set healthy boundaries
• Use diplomatic and compassionate conversation
• Remember you are Love, but an empathic and loving person is not used as a doormat
• Be a harmonizing energetic force
• Use forgiveness
• Breathe and go within
• Stay strong, neutral and calm (practice non-violence)
• Be as honest and transparent as possible
• Use engaged detachment
• Remember you are supported by your Higher Self, your Guides and Angels

Dr. Wayne also said in his blogpost, Relative Bliss, ‘The key to having peace in all your family relationships is forgiveness. Your relatives are simply doing what they’ve been taught to do over a lifetime, and the lifetimes of many of their ancestors. Shower them with understanding and forgiveness from your heart. Rather than being in a state of non-peace concerning any family members, say a prayer of gratitude for their presence in your life and all that they have come to teach you.”  Believe me, if you do not see the full value of what they are teaching you now, you will later.  If you trust yourself and your knowing that there is so much more to all this, if you can get clear on these relationships, then there is so much more to come for you.  Rising above the muck and the mire may just be the gift everyone really wants and needs.