Tag: families

Being a Holiday Survivor

On By thinkcarebelieveIn Healing & Empowerment, Tools2 Comments

I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple things. I could already see it. The holiday crunch has started. The mothers and grandmothers struggling to think of everything on the lists that they forgot and left at home, the families toting excited children with magic sparkling in their eyes, husbands and single men dodging through crowds because they just want to get what they need and get home. Then something caught my attention. It was a young man obviously disgusted with all the holiday craziness, shaking his head and muttering to himself. I recognized it from experience. My son and PTSD. Looking at it all now from his perspective, it must look like everyone has gone crazy taking pills from a Hallmark Store.

I definitely used to chase that happy dream of creating the perfect holiday season for everyone. Sometimes I wish I still bought into it, but I’ve lost too many. We all have. There’s too many people hurting going into these holidays and I want them to know, it’s okay to do the holidays differently this year if it feels needed.

Those who have experienced trauma have a unique perspective. From my experience, they are more in touch with their hearts and feelings than the average person because they have to be in order to manage and get through the day. Oh yes, there are varying degrees of that, of course, but show me someone who has survived trauma, and I will show you someone who has courageously stared down darkness from deep inside and is a survivor!

I may be saying it in a really clumsy way, but I just want to express that whatever peace and contentment you can find during these holidays, whatever that means for you, I salute you. If you are missing loved ones and just can’t seem to get on track, visit this post Doing Grief Differently by my friend, Sara Kujawa.

If you are in charge of family get togethers and are a little anxious because someone is attending with anxiety, PTSD or depression, or any of those other labels, my sincere suggestion is to avoid creating anxiety over it and just accept them for however they are and wherever they’re at in life. Just love them. Let them know you are just glad they are part of the family.

Here is a previous blogpost from a few years ago with some tips and tools for surviving the holidays.

My friend, who I’m just going to call E wrote this beautiful message and with permission I’m going to share here because I think it needs to be heard and taken to heart. (Thank you my friend<3)

The road we walk is shaped not only by the future we seek and the present we stand in, but by the lives that have touched us along the way.

Many of those lives do not make it to the destiny they were seeking, and so it falls to us; those still living, to keep breathing and keep fighting no matter what. To never let the memory of those who came before us die in vain.

We fight with a purpose that shall never surrender, that will never accept defeat. For we fight, not for glory, or for victory, but for the sake of those we love. To protect them and their futures. To safeguard them here and now.

Our purpose will never be swayed, it is written on the hearts of every man woman and child. We are one humanity and one world, and it is a World worth protecting.

Do not forget those who fall along the way, but rather, burn all the brighter on their behalf.

— E

Holiday Aftermath

On By thinkcarebelieveIn Healing & Empowerment, ToolsLeave a comment

Thanksgiving get togethers can be tricky. Clashes can happen amidst some really wonderful warm happy moments. Those collisions and outbursts indicate unresolved anger, pain, shame, guilt and resentment on someone’s part. Then the memories and uncomfortable feelings that the last couple days may have brought up. We might want to lose ourself in distractions to put as much distance between us and those things that make us squirm. But, if we are willing to face those old ghosts and shadows, we may be able to clear some much needed headspace and free our hearts from chains… and so, we bravely step into it and move through it, like it’s a mirror, emerging out the other side cleansed.

To look at what still gives us twinges in our gut or an ache in our heads. To see things differently and see how strong we are now from what we went through, and be glad for the strength we gained from the experience. To make peace with the realization that we acted with the best intentions and awareness at the time, even if we didn’t get perfect results, unlocks the chains holding bits of us back then and there. To be able to say the things we always wanted to say to clear things up but were too afraid to say them. This enables us to rise above and participate in the higher vibrational aspects of life… or participate in life at a higher vibration.

What about the person who is still carrying a grudge, how can we best help them? We can let them know that they are loved and that we still love them, regardless. Sometimes that’s all it takes. We can also not force them to see or deal with anything for which they are not yet ready. Oh yes, we can plant seeds of little messages that could bring them a lightbulb moment down the line. We can pray for them and call in Angelic assistance. We could even take the tough love route and tell them truth straight up in as non-threatening a way as we can possibly muster. So many choices. One thing I know is that our hearts will be our guide. The energies are so high that anything is possible.

At the dinner table, someone’s fear and hopelessness were probably expressed. How do we assist? We suggest they tap into a strength that comes from a place they carved out from some intense situation they survived a long time ago. We tell them to revisit and reclaim that strength. That strength feeds our faith and hope now. If we let it, hopelessness also motivates us to stand up and be the change we want to see in the world. Sometimes taking action and getting involved is just the thing that those emotions were pointing us toward.

We can use these uncomfortable situations to cleanse ourselves of old resentments that still take up space. We can also help someone else take their first steps toward clearing their own stuff and encourage them to take steps forward. Cleansing the yuck out of our lives feels great, leaving us more alive and ready to take on new challenges. Instead of falling into the same old pitfalls, we can sidestep and leap over them to brighter days.