So this is a continuation of my earlier post on surviving dysfunction during the holidays.  My proofreader (my husband) suggested I write about healthy boundaries, so here it is…

At our core, there is nothing but truth.  The place we know and feel there is only love.  In that place we are connected to the our Higher Self.  Love is who we are, everything else is noise and illusion.  From that place, we can reflect on our physical life to identify our rights and needs.

Healthy boundaries allow us the space we need to be our authentic self.  It establishes where our physical human self ends and another begins.  By setting healthy boundaries, we are giving ourselves the gift of experiencing life in a way that feels right and comfortable.  It gives others permission to be their own true self just by setting these new ground rules.  In this way, we are declaring ourselves free from the past and free from the abuse of others.  We are actually co-creating by deconstructing an old reality, re-associating, and recalibrating a new higher vibrational experience.  We create a new higher reality by dis-allowing our own thoughts to go into undesirable behavior with others anymore.  Dr. Wayne, in his blogpost entitled Holy Relationships, wrote “When you recognize others’ holiness, you’ll treat them as divine expressions of the power of intention, wanting nothing from them. The irony is that they become co-creators manifesting all your desires. Want nothing from them, demand nothing from them, have no expectations for them, and they’ll return this kindness.”

When we set healthy boundaries we are standing in our truth.  We are claiming our right to exist in this experience in safety, peace and harmony.  It is not selfish, but strength.  Whether we are visiting dysfunctional family during the holidays, improving life with a spouse or partner, or insuring a better working environment with coworkers, we do it with our intention, words, body language, and with our energy.  We do it to create healthier relationships.  We do it with love.

We are the only ones that can tell others it is not okay to abuse us.  We are the ones taking care of us in relationships.  We need to be firm, yet not inflexible.  Humans can take advantage of the power their own free will gives them, and in doing so they may gossip, be mean, angry and abusive.  If they knew the truth of what they were doing, they would not be doing them.  Because all there is is Love, if we all remembered we are Love, we would not be hurting one another.  When others violate our boundaries, they become misaligned from Love.  Keeping in mind they are still a part of God and God is also within them, we can acknowledge they need to be forgiven as we set new ground rules with them.

When we set a boundary, we need to be clear and respectful.  By the golden rule, we are setting the new ground rules by showing how we want to be treated.  It may concern our physical body, mental, emotional or spiritual health.  Asserting that others allow us to be comfortable in our physical, mental, emotional or spiritual space, means that we are healthy and comfortable within ourselves, and we in turn make others feel comfortable around us.  We are asserting that everyone is responsible for taking care of their own feelings, because we cannot set a boundary and be responsible for another’s feelings at the same time.

We are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary we are setting.  Even if we feel guilty at first for doing it, we must be prepared to stand firm yet reasonable.  Most humans are willing to respect our boundaries, but if they get angry or abusive in reaction to our new energy, they are most likely testing us.  They may feel jealous, angry and intimidated because they want to be a part of this Love, but can’t and they don’t know what to do.  Because they are attracted to the Light they see in us, and do not see it within themselves, or do not allow it, they feel hurt inside.  When they feel hurt, they may want to hurt us.  If they could just see… they are the Love and they are the Light already.  They just need to allow, to become who they truly are.  By asserting healthy boundaries, we are helping them.  Giving them the chance to stop hurting us may lead to a good long look at themselves, and that could lead to growth.

Erik sums it up like this in his Mom’s blog, “All I’m saying is that some boundaries can be very, very, very helpful and useful. They’re not confrontational. They’re not bitchy. If you have the ability to embrace who you are and be emotionally honest, then what boundaries you’re setting to protect and heal yourself, whether it’s respect for self, being honest to self, and, um, you’re going to be participating in other people’s life lessons and stories and contracts. Then that’s all good.”

We must be patient with others.  It is a process and takes time.  By claiming our divine right to personal freedom, we are facilitating the process for all.  Every one of us needs to do it for ourselves.  It is the only way.

My husband tells me I need to translate what I just wrote into concrete steps. (He’s right)

1. Meditate, go within, soul search to assess where your boundaries are being violated.  What are your rights and needs.  What change will allow you the personal freedom to feel comfortable.
2. Prepare to assert yourself.  Remember, instead of feeling guilty or selfish, realize that by doing so, you are creating a higher vibrational reality for yourself and for them.  You are taking your relationship to the higher road.
3. Let the person know your needs to set new ground rules with them.  Be clear, firm, strong, yet reasonable.  Be Love. Most people will respect your boundaries.
4. Expect to be tested.  If you get anger or abuse, realize they are misaligned from Love.  Be patient and firm. Be Love.
5. Forgive them, but continue to uphold your boundaries.  Be patient, it is a process.  What you are doing actually helps them to grow, even if they do not realize it.

https://youtu.be/u_KgoqMuDBM